I am a bit of a hoarder by nature. I don’t have boxes and stacks blocking a pathway through my home or office, but my closets and drawers…well that’s a different subject. Since I tend to be a packrat, at least once or twice a year, I go in total purge mode. If it doesn’t get tossed then, well it’s destined to be there for at least six months or so. I’m also a bit of an overzealous organizer…so when you open my closets or drawers, it’s a type of organized, overstuffed chaos.
Friday I worked cleaning out and re-organizing my office. There was an entire drawer containing obesity journals that last year at this time I had sorted by journal and placed in order by date lined up with the spines showing so you could easily see the month, year and topic theme. When I opened the drawer Friday, there they were, still lined up nice and neat and never touched since last year. I figured it was pretty safe that if I hadn’t touched a single one of those journals in the last year, I’m not going to touch them this year (and did I mention I also have online subscriptions to them?) out they went!
The next drawer had gift bags, tissue paper and oh, 6 or 7 pair of shoes. I also found 6 jackets, 1 blouse, 2 purses and three agendas. Yes, that’s in my office. Not my home office, at my work office! Out it all went to the car. Suffice it to say, seven hours later there were several bags of trash outside my door and the shred-it bin is stuffed.
Last week I started on the annual purge of my closet. Usually I take this on as an all day adventure and end the day exhausted, frustrated and embarrassed. This year, I’ve decided to tackle it in pieces. The first step was to go through the shoes…all the shoes (well, minus the several pair I found in my drawer at work)! Instead of just randomly moving them from one spot to another, I took my time, cleaned them, moisturized the leather, set them all on the bed and sorted them by style and color (yes, there’s a little OCD coming out – more on that later.) After I lined them all up in rows, it was funny, I could really identify and analyze my shoe “personality.” I had my cute work shoes (the ones I wear in the morning that match the outfit and have heels), my cute comfy work shoes (the flats that come out later in the day that I can actually walk in), my cute sandals/flip flops (that I live in on the weekends, even in the winter because they are so comfortable), my cute boots (that I live in when it’s to cold to handle the flip flops), my cute party shoes (the ones that are truly adorable with heels I can barely walk in but I just had to have because I party soooo much-hah!) Notice the recurring theme? They’re all cute! Why do I have so many shoes? Well, all those years before bariatric surgery when I wanted to go shopping and treat myself and I couldn’t find anything to wear, nothing fit or it was just plain ugly, a size 9 shoe fit every time! Unfortunately, now that I can wear cute clothes, that lust for cute shoes has not gone away. Maybe I’ll show you a photo of the “shoe lineup” when we talk about addiction.
Why do I hoard stuff? Maybe it’s because there’s always been a bit of concern it will be taken away. Why do I organize to the Nth degree? Maybe it’s so I’ll feel like I’ve gained some control over the situation. Why do I have so many shoes? Maybe it’s because when I believe I deserve it, it no longer has to be food. Maybe it’s because no matter what I have, I always wonder if there’s something better that will make me look better or make me happier.
Well, all that’s a little deep for starting off the New Year, so I’m going to go tackle that closet, purge some more clothes and think about what is it I keep thinking I deserve when I already have so much.